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THIS WEEK’S HEADLINES:

If you’re like most people, lying makes your heart race. It makes you pant. It drives up your blood pressure and makes you drip sweat. A polygraph machine detects lies by looking for signs of these physiological changes.

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Purchasing managers at factories anticipate sales will grow 5.5 percent next year and capital investment will increase 1.9 percent, the Tempe, Arizona-based group’s semiannual forecast showed today. Revenue and spending will increase at a slower pace among service providers, which account for about 90 percent of the economy.

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Thanks in large part to the meteoric rise in direct-to-consumer advertising, medications like Ambien and Lunesta have become household names and seductive panaceas that millions find hard to resist — even though a majority have no serious sleep problem to repair.

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Time will pass and we will make judgments about how well we did with our goals. We will succeed at some and fail at others. Most of us will fight to a draw, the opportunity represented by January’s blank slate missed.

Over the past year we have been surveying ‘success’ literature looking for common patterns. To our surprise, we found them hiding in plain sight. From Napoleon Hill’s epic survey of industrial titans, “Think and Grow Rich” to the ‘scientifically’ based “Psychocybernetics” to “The Master Key” which is the basis for “The Secret”, all of them are saying the same things even though they were written in different times for different audiences. To us, it breaks down to three basic principals:

To succeed, you must become. This moves the idea of success from creating a good goal list to the imagination of a total future state of being. In that state you will embody everything you need to be the recipient of what you desire. Simply wanting the trappings of wealth, its symbols, is not enough. The literature we’ve read tells us that desiring the symbols without changing who and what you are to attract it will lead to fleeting victories that cannot be held.

Second, you must visualize who you will be in the future. Note that I didn’t say that you needed to see your success: the car, the house, the vacations or giant stacks of hundred dollar bills. What will you look and sound like at the success destination? What will you value? How will you act? Who will you be?

These are not trivial questions. They get at the heart of what our lives are about. They are questions that few of us ask ourselves at any point in our lives. Yet, the time spent on clarifying who you are becoming is never wasted, even if inconclusive. If the work only excludes who you don’t want to be, it is a success. Enough work and you will start seeing the positive image, the person you want to become.

Finally, you must persevere. Nothing of value is easily won. One of the messages of all the works we read was that while you visualize the end state of your efforts, none of this should be forced. It’s not about discipline as much as it is about persistence. Time will focus the mind and efforts will become more focused as long as we persist in visualizing our end state of being. As long as we continue imagining our future and learning the changes we must make to attract it, we are succeeding.

That is ultimately the final lesson in this survey of self improvement. Learning how to see yourself in a future state, living the life you want live and knowing you will hang in until you achieve it are processes. In learning these methods, you are learning a way of life, a way of being. This new way of living will call out for the next state, the next goal, the next becoming.

Suddenly, everyday is January 1^st. Every calendar is blank with possibilities. You have the power to steer your life where you want it to go.

Over a four-year period, more than 12,000 businesspeople participated in a study focused around 25 simple questions. After analyzing the results of the survey, I was ready to speak about the results from an expert perspective in the book. I gathered together two of my fellow networking experts: Frank DeRaffele, to write from the male perspective; and Hazel Walker to write from the female perspective. Our combined knowledge and experience came together to bring a unique perspective to this innovative book.

In a desire to understand the communication roadblocks that occur between women and men in the networking process, the three of us focused on combining our personal networking experiences with the data and interpreting its greater meaning for readers.

One thing we explored in depth was the following basic question:

Are men and women really so different…or do we have a tendency to just focus on what makes us different instead of how we are similar?

Coming to an answer that we could all agree with turned out to be the single most important concept in the book!

As it turns out, men and women are alike in many ways – they just seem to get to the same place using different roads. If men and woman could just understand some basic fundamental points, then they can most certainly be more successful when networking and referring the opposite sex.

It’s interesting that our study revealed two very distinct facts, seemingly at odds with one another. The first is that both men and women want to get business from networking and are willing to work hard to get it. The second is that they seem to make things so difficult for themselves by only networking in the style their own gender prefers and understands.

This is as counterproductive as a relationship between a man and a woman based either on only what the man wants, or only what the woman wants. If they both want to stay married, they quickly figure out what it takes to make the other person happy and do it.

A lot of men need to get the point where they: 1. No longer offend women, or 2. Are no longer misunderstood by them. Until this happens, they will continue to miss out on their potential to do business with women. (The fact that almost half of the world’s population is female should provide great motivation for men to solve this problem!)

On the other hand, though guys may act boorish and offensive at times, most women need realize that, in fact, they play a bit part that enables men to continue that behavior, without even realizing it. They play the part every time they have been offended by an off-color comment, yet said nothing and just sulked away. They do it when they have been ignored, discounted, or rudely referred to…but instead of speaking their mind, just pouted and vowed never to give the guy any business. They also do it every time they have ever worn a sexy outfit to a business function and then felt offended that no one was taking them seriously, or worse yet, asking them out on dates rather than listening to their business ideas!

Because both men and women make important, money-related decisions based on their assessments of facial expressions, gestures, tone, manners, and even smell, the face-to-face networking process is an opportunity for each gender to learn how to please the other. To grow as a business culture, they must keep up with gender-specific communication styles and preferences. This means adapting to expected behavior – much like when traveling in a foreign land and observing its customs to make for a smooth vacation (not to mention to avoid landing in jail).

Not only does networking play a major role in growing a powerful business, but it also paves the way for a happy and secure life. Surely, anyone can see the benefits of having a pool of amiable friends and associates ready to look out for them and send good things their way.

Because of this, it is important for anyone working in the business world to understand both the similarities and differences between the networking styles of men and women. At the end of the day, we all want the same outcome; we just have different ways of getting there.

Here are some tips to start you on your way to career-long success in networking with the opposite sex:

For women:

• When asking for help, communicate clearly exactly what it is that you want.
• When speaking to men, try to impress them and share your accomplishments.
• When spoken to inappropriately, speak up about it immediately.
• Convey an image to others that you are a serious businessperson, in all that you do.

For men:

• Slow down and build the relationship.
• Don’t assume women don’t take their businesses seriously.
• Edit what you are about to say, using filters to sift out what is not business appropriate.
• Remember that women are at networking events for business gain, just as you are.

Called the “father of modern networking” by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author. He is the Founder and Chairman of BNI, the world’s largest business networking organization. His newest book can be viewed at www.BusinessNetworkingandSex.com. Dr. Misner is also the Sr. Partner for the Referral Institute, an international referral training company.

• December U.S. Labor Market Report
• U.S. Auto Sales – A Strong Finish for 2011
• November SoCal Hotel Results Show Industry on the Rebound
• Events of Interest
  • January 22-24, 2012: VerdeXchange Market Makers Conference
  • January 27: L.A. NABE Monthly Meeting
  • February 15: LAEDC Economic Forecast and Industry Outlook